Graduation

On Monday, June 21, 2010, spring solstice, I and 37 of my classmates celebrated our graduation from the Leadership Institute of Seattle Graduate College, Saybrook University. I had expected to be in tears through most of the graduation ceremony. Instead, there was joy and an incredible sense of achievement. I have graduated into a community of LIOS alumni much larger than the class of 40 of which I was an intimate part. Connections will continue. I have a responsibility to keep cultivating and practicing what I've learned.

I'm not only graduating from LIOS, but into a new era of my life. Since last summer when Craig and I separated and sold our home, I've been living in temporary places, waiting to rebuild my life elsewhere. I left my job last February and moved south for the last few months of school. Now, along with completing my degree, I've also completed my time in Seattle and am moving east. It felt so easy to leave Vancouver last February; that part of my life seemed over, yet it didn't really seem like I was saying good-bye to anyone.

Moving to Ottawa has felt much more emotional than the last two moves this year. I'm surprised by how deeply attached I've become since then to people I scarcely knew less than a year ago. I've felt grief about leaving, fear and excitement about the adventures ahead, joy in connecting with people, anger at having to give up so much, disappointment in myself at times, optimism that maybe this will all work out.

Tuesday I took my Jeep in for servicing. There was a laundry list of stuff to do, it was more expensive than I'd anticipated, and it took the mechanic all day, but when I drove away I was astonished at how great the vehicle felt. I am confident that it's ready for the long drive.

Wednesday I picked up the U-Haul trailer that will carry my personal belongings across Canada. It looks so small. I spent a few hours at the storage facility trying to get rid of anything unnecessary. It didn't seem like enough, and I wonder whether I will have to abandon a few more things at the last minute. I felt overwhelmed and anxious much of the day. I put off eating lunch too long; cried when told that they would be moving my storage pod between now and Friday because I didn't want to have to go in there one more time to move things around. After finally finishing there and eating something, I bought energy bars to keep in my car to prevent a similar low-blood sugar meltdown in future. A shower and a nap also helped. I am finding good self-care so important.

A friend took me out for a celebratory graduation dinner Wednesday night. It was more of an adventure than we anticipated. The restaurant that we chose, an old Vancouver classic, was being relaunched as a training facility for ex-convicts, and one of the TV stations was filming a reality show about the process. It was the server's first day on the job. She was completely green, nervous, and very sweet. The food was fabulous. It felt so good to laugh and just have fun.

So many people have helped me the past few days, both friends (Lyle, Rafael, Jonathan, Beth, Helen, Cliff, and probably a few others who I may be forgetting right now -- thank you all!), and strangers (Dave the mechanic, the young man at U-Haul who rewired the trailer connection, the truck driver who backed the trailer into a parking spot for me, etc.) Even though I sometimes have fears, I still think I'm on the right path. There are many endings, but also a new beginning.


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.