Graduation

On Monday, June 21, 2010, spring solstice, I and 37 of my classmates celebrated our graduation from the Leadership Institute of Seattle Graduate College, Saybrook University. I had expected to be in tears through most of the graduation ceremony. Instead, there was joy and an incredible sense of achievement. I have graduated into a community of LIOS alumni much larger than the class of 40 of which I was an intimate part. Connections will continue. I have a responsibility to keep cultivating and practicing what I've learned.

I'm not only graduating from LIOS, but into a new era of my life. Since last summer when Craig and I separated and sold our home, I've been living in temporary places, waiting to rebuild my life elsewhere. I left my job last February and moved south for the last few months of school. Now, along with completing my degree, I've also completed my time in Seattle and am moving east. It felt so easy to leave Vancouver last February; that part of my life seemed over, yet it didn't really seem like I was saying good-bye to anyone.

Moving to Ottawa has felt much more emotional than the last two moves this year. I'm surprised by how deeply attached I've become since then to people I scarcely knew less than a year ago. I've felt grief about leaving, fear and excitement about the adventures ahead, joy in connecting with people, anger at having to give up so much, disappointment in myself at times, optimism that maybe this will all work out.

Tuesday I took my Jeep in for servicing. There was a laundry list of stuff to do, it was more expensive than I'd anticipated, and it took the mechanic all day, but when I drove away I was astonished at how great the vehicle felt. I am confident that it's ready for the long drive.

Wednesday I picked up the U-Haul trailer that will carry my personal belongings across Canada. It looks so small. I spent a few hours at the storage facility trying to get rid of anything unnecessary. It didn't seem like enough, and I wonder whether I will have to abandon a few more things at the last minute. I felt overwhelmed and anxious much of the day. I put off eating lunch too long; cried when told that they would be moving my storage pod between now and Friday because I didn't want to have to go in there one more time to move things around. After finally finishing there and eating something, I bought energy bars to keep in my car to prevent a similar low-blood sugar meltdown in future. A shower and a nap also helped. I am finding good self-care so important.

A friend took me out for a celebratory graduation dinner Wednesday night. It was more of an adventure than we anticipated. The restaurant that we chose, an old Vancouver classic, was being relaunched as a training facility for ex-convicts, and one of the TV stations was filming a reality show about the process. It was the server's first day on the job. She was completely green, nervous, and very sweet. The food was fabulous. It felt so good to laugh and just have fun.

So many people have helped me the past few days, both friends (Lyle, Rafael, Jonathan, Beth, Helen, Cliff, and probably a few others who I may be forgetting right now -- thank you all!), and strangers (Dave the mechanic, the young man at U-Haul who rewired the trailer connection, the truck driver who backed the trailer into a parking spot for me, etc.) Even though I sometimes have fears, I still think I'm on the right path. There are many endings, but also a new beginning.


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.

April Events

April 24, 2010

It's been a few weeks since my last email update. Some things haven't changed much. I'm STILL writing papers -- three more to go! The one I'm now working on is due April 30. After that, the next self-assessment paper is due May 17, and then there's a case study to write for June 1. I have discovered that I am a much more focused writer when I'm with someone else who's working quietly than when I'm on my own, which is a great excuse to get out of the house.

I'm also still doing the P90X workout -- just completed the third week, and am already seeing and feeling changes. May will be the most intensive workout month. I'm feeling ready for it, and enjoying feeling stronger. I also now have a bicycle here, so have been tackling the hills and enjoying the shoreline. It's cut my commute time to meditation on Wednesday and Friday mornings in half.

My Easter kayaking weekend was postponed due to gale force winds -- the worst weather we had all spring! Tanya hasn't yet been able to find another weekend to come up from Oregon, so not sure when we'll get out.

I did celebrate my first Passover with a seder dinner at Jonathan's (my roommate's) mom's. She had 17 of us, and had cleared the living room to line up every table in the house end-to-end so that we could all be seated. What a rich and delicious ritual it was! The evening was strung together with readings from the Haggadah, which tells the story of the Jews' liberation from Egypt and outlines the rituals to be performed. Dinner is very slow to start -- readings, then we ate a piece of parsley dipped in brine; more readings, then a boiled egg; readings, then some horseradish; then horseradish and charoset (a mixture of chopped fruits, nuts, honey and cinnamon) together on matzoh bread (surprisingly good!); then finally we got to dinner. The proceedings are accompanied by much discussion about the rituals, how each person's family had traditionally done things, what the deeper meanings were -- great conversations. And dinner was amazing -- matzoh ball soup (I had a veggie version), two meat dishes, an Italian-style quinoa, apricot compote, asparagus, Brussels sprouts, strawberries and whipped cream for dessert.... I can still remember it all. The ritual ends on a playful note with the search for the hidden matzoh and attempting to read an increasingly long list of things (kind of like the 12 days of Christmas) in one breath. It was the longest dinner I've ever sat through, and a great night.

The biggest change that's happened for me the past few weeks has been regarding my plans to volunteer overseas beginning this fall. CUSO-VSO invited me to come to an assessment day in Vancouver on April 10, so I made a trip back north (and stayed a few days to visit with friends there -- so good to see so many people!) Three assessors monitored four of us, while a facilitator led us through the day. We had a group interview, individual interviews, a dilemma scenario that we were given to discuss, and then three timed tasks to complete together involving ping pong balls and baskets. We also watched three videos of volunteer experiences in Kenya. While I did well during the day and was accepted into the volunteer program, I also realized that going overseas for one to two years feels way too big on top of all the other changes happening in my life. After sleeping on it, and then sitting with my decision for a week, I withdrew my application.

If you signed up for these emails in the hopes of hearing about my overseas adventures, please feel welcome to send me an unsubscribe request! I anticipate that my next big move will be to Ottawa this summer. I plan to spend a year or two getting settled there before deciding on any major next steps.

Speaking of transitions, we had our second-last school conference last week. The last one will take place the first week in June followed by our graduation ceremony on June 21. I am striving to get the most out of my remaining time both at school and in Seattle, and find that I am washed between times of great joy, gratitude, and inspiration (and just plain fun), and waves of fear about the future. It has helped to remind myself that I could in no way have predicted or planned what has taken place in my life the past nine months, and that everything has worked out better than I could have even hoped it would. It also makes me very much appreciate all of the wonderful people with whom I'm associated, and the circles of support of which I am a part. Thank you for being part of that.

Home

"Where is home?" he asks
me, nomad, visitor,
a guest beneath the border of my homeland,
and I have no answer,
dislocated as I am.

When I close my eyes, the place that comes to me
has disappeared --
a farm dog resting by a bush of fragrant lilac,
weathered red barn and chicken coop,
five apple trees guarded by geese,
a grove of poplars,
caragana seeds popping from tall, late summer bushes,
ditches of brown-eyed susans and wild rose --
the land that these once marked
now flat and bare beneath a set of iron tracks.

As I walk past the houses in this strange city,
my shoulder is brushed
by a branch of soft, new maple leaves.
Sticky buds of poplar on my soles,
I stop to smell lilacs on every block.

Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.

Writing, Painting, & P90X

March 28, 2010

My activities have been much more focused this past week, and promise to continue in a similar vein in the coming week. Most of the routine involves writing papers for school: a training portfolio (done!), a Marketplace / leadership theory paper (due Monday), a practitioner theory paper, a paper on my individual project, and the final self-assessment paper.

I've been using various strategies to keep paper writing interesting, one of which has going with my friend Katie to the University of Washington graduate library to write. The atmosphere is inspiring, as you can see from these photos: http://lmthorsell.shutterfly.com/266 Katie is also a fabulous writing buddy -- so helpful to have someone with whom to discuss ideas or process writing blocks.

I've also done five days of the P90X training -- so good to have something very physical to balance all the mental work. The program mixes strength training with jump-cardio (plyometrics), yoga, and kenpo (a style of karate). It's been a challenge! The yoga had me doing advanced postures that I hadn't thought I could do. Actually, there's usually some point during every workout when I wonder whether I'll be able to finish, but so far I've made it. The instructor in the videos does an excellent job, showing that he and the people who've finished the program are human, too, motivating the viewer, yet also giving reminders to respect one's own physical limits. No photos to share regarding this yet! Maybe I'll share my "after" pics once I make it through.

I did play hooky from writing and working out on Saturday to do a process painting workshop at Present Sense. Last November I did five paintings during the day. This time I only did one. It felt like a gift to me (my 19th sobriety birthday is Tuesday), and also a promise of spring both in the world and in my life.

My classmate Tanya, her boyfriend, and I have a kayaking trip planned for the Easter weekend, weather permitting. I'll share news of that in my next email. Looking forward to hearing from you, too! Thanks for your emails.


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.

School and More School

March 22, 2010

Our fifth residential conference for school (March 10-14) was jam packed. The very first day we in the Leadership & Organi-zational Development (LOD) track delivered 40-minute training segments to each other. The next day and a half was spent on theories of leadership in preparation for Marketplace, a 24-hour experience in which the second-year LOD students lead companies employing all of the first year students. I was the CEO of the large organization (19 people including me), with four managers beneath me. The experience ends with an hour-and-a-half long market during the lunch break during which time we sell the products and services that we've developed. After the market, the profit is calculated and then divided between all of the employees and managers (so everyone is making real money.) The goal is to develop a healthy organization that makes a profit. It's a very intensive experience. People tend to stay up late at night getting ready for the next day, and we're all being monitored and evaluated by faculty members who fine us for infractions (being late, not having our name tag showing, or breaking one of the other Marketplace rules) and pull us aside to provide feedback. After Marketplace is over, there are debrief sessions for the group as a whole, and then for the first and second years separately. By the end of it all, we were all very tired and disoriented, and I had learned a huge amount.

The last day the first year students received assessments from their second-year i-group classmates and from their faculty i-group leader, so we second years spent a big chunk of time between Marketplace and 10:30 Sunday morning preparing to deliver that feedback. Three of the first years in our i-group received partial competency grades, meaning that they are not on track to graduate unless they make some significant changes (e.g. rewrite papers, or demonstrate more core communication competencies in i-group). As you can imagine, that's an emotional day for the first years, and we second years bear responsibility for providing honest and helpful feedback.

After being immersed with everyone for five days, the return home was jarring. One my classmates described it as Sudden Community Intimacy Deprivation Syndrome (SCIDS). Then there's the post-residential conference work of getting notes in order, reviewing what's next on the reading list, getting clarity on assignments, and following up with people to bring closure to the work we just did. That along with a graduation planning meeting took a big chunk of the week. Friday my friend Katie and I spent the afternoon together writing papers at the University of Washington Graduate School Library -- a beautiful building with a cathedral-like reading room right out of the movies. It was so helpful to get out of the house to write with someone.

I have five papers to write between now and April 30, so should have no problem keeping myself busy between now and then.

On a non-school note, after seven months of training I finally did 100 pushups on Friday morning! My friends Katie and John A. witnessed the event after our morning meditation at Katie's studio. It felt like a real accomplishment, and has motivated me to tackle another fitness challenge, the P90X, which I'll start this week.

I hope that you have all had wonderful weeks, and that all is well in your lives. Please send emails! It's always good to hear from you.


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.

Seattle Experiences

March 6, 2010

Sorry to have been so slow at getting email #2 written. I don't feel that I've accom-plished much, yet it feels like I've been so busy. How does that happen? Rather than try to recount everything I've been up to, I'll give you some snapshots of life in Seattle.

Snapshot #1: Shopping
The grocery store closest to my new home has a few names: the GO, the Ocery, the GrocOut, or the Grocery Outlet. I've never seen a grocery liquidation store before this one. It always has a mixed bag of stuff, but there are always some great deals in the bag. E.g. organic crunchy peanut butter for $2.30 less than the next closest store; almond butter for half the price; cheeses for cheap; $1.99 for Sabra hummus; 99 cents for a Haagen Dascz sorbet bar; etc. Unfortunately, one can't depend on finding the same things there any two days in a row. They had oodles of big bags of frozen blueberries on my first two visits, and they had all disappeared when I went to actually buy one.

It's a further walk and more uphill (I'm getting my exercise!) to get to Trader Joe's and the Madison Market Co-op, where I am now a member. Madison has the cereal, tea, and soy milk that I like, and a good selection of organic produce. They also have strange vegetarian sandwiches (e.g. the New Yorker with marinated tofu, potato salad, mustard, pickles, etc. on rye bread -- surprisingly excellent!), Greek yogourt (my new favourite) and the best whipping cream in town. Mmmm.

Snapshot #2: Getting Around
I am walking a lot which, as home is in a valley, means walking up a lot of hills. Great for the glutes and quads!

I'm also learning the transit system. My first week here I got an Orca card, which is a plastic card that I can load with money to pay for the buses, local ferries, or light rail. I just swipe the card at a machine on the bus, and it takes off the correct fare, or indicates that I'm still travelling on transfer time, or takes an additional 25 cents off if I'm going into a new transit zone. How does a little plastic card have all that information on it?

The trickiest part was learning when to swipe the card. I was always doing it when I got on the bus, as I would in Vancouver, but here if one is boarding a bus downtown, you're not supposed to pay until you get OFF -- and if you don't, because you think you already have paid, the bus driver may get angry and think that you're trying to rip them off. Whoops!

The good news is that one can ride the buses within the downtown area for free, and the buses go as far south as Tacoma and as far north as Everett for only $2.50. What a great deal!

Snapshot #3: The Great Outdoors
My time outside Seattle has been at least as fun as my time in the city. The first weekend here, I took the bus to Everett to visit a friend. We spent the afternoon at a great beach where we talked and napped in the sun and ate pie (with big blankets -- it wasn't THAT warm). In the evening, we had a great beach walk, found an abandoned campfire at which to warm ourselves, and then heard WHALES -- whales calling to each other in the sound between us and an island. Magical.

The next day my roommate's girlfriend, Beth, and her roommate, Jenn, took me hiking with them. We drove north past Everett and then turned east into the Snohomish Valley to hike up a mountain to Lake Serene. The scenery on the hike was very similar to hikes I've done near Vancouver -- rocks and moss and trees and mountains. Very beautiful. The real stunner was the lake -- thinly iced, alpine, surrounded by peaks and trees with a massive rock descending into it, perfect for picnics. Well worth the many stairs and ascents. On the hike we came across a shrew foraging on the path. We think it may have been blind and deaf, because it seemed completely unafraid of us -- it even crawled across my hiking boot -- yet it was plump and active; seemed like it was taking care of itself well. We also heard and glimpsed kinglets: tiny little birds with a crown of colour that flit through alpine forests with bright songs.

Urban bird sightings have included a Western scrub jay and a varied thrush, both migrating through, not regular inhabitants of the city.

Snapshot #4: New Connections
It's been so good generally to be getting together with friends and classmates here outside of our school modules -- to get to meet them in their natural environment. On Wednesday and Friday mornings, I bus to Wallingford to meditate with my friend Katie at Present Sense, her studio. Another classmate, John A., has begun joining us, and other folks drop in. Sometimes John and I will go for a walk at Green Lake or the arboretum after meditation. Katie and I are planning a writing day together; how sweet to have company as we work through some of our homework. I'm also looking forward to participating in some of the workshops offered at her studio, e.g. visual journalling, and doing what I can to contribute to the studio's success.

I've been meeting other classmates for tea, lunch, walks, or dinner, too. Last night my roommate Jonathan invited me to have Shabbat dinner with him and his friends -- my first Shabbat. I was impressed by how joyful a ritual it was, and really liked the experience of welcoming the sabbath, weekend, or "chill zone" as one of the diners dubbed it, with a festive meal with friends and family. It didn't hurt that the company and the food were both excellent. :- )

Back to School
This week we go back to the Doubletree for our twelfth residential conference. Wednesday through Sunday we'll be holed up at the hotel focused on delivering training modules to each other, and then doing Marketplace, an intensive experience in which we second-year Leadership & Organizational Development students form and lead temporary organizations staffed by the first years, and attempt to make a profit. This is typically a particularly busy conference, with many people up in the wee hours of Friday night / Saturday morning preparing for the Marketplace sale. And then there are debriefs of the process, and our assessments of the first year students on Sunday. Busy, busy, busy. Lots to do to get ready.

I've really appreciated getting emails and news updates from many of you. Thank you! I feel lucky to have so many connections ready-made here in the form of my classmates, and I still miss you all, too, and love to hear from you -- even if it takes me a while to respond. :- )


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.

Successful Landing

February 17, 2010

Since there are a number of you from whom I am now geographically distant, I plan to send a weekly email to you all to keep you posted on my adventures or lack thereof, as may be the case. If you would rather get emails less often, I also have a group to which I'm sending monthly notes. Just let me know and I'll switch you.

This week really has felt like an adventure, from the departure with my pared-down belongings last Wednesday morning to my landing in my beautiful new neighborhood.

Last Tuesday Celeste helped me load the majority of my belongings into a storage pod and clean out my apartment. I really, really appreciated her generous help. The process took longer than I'd hoped (of course), and then there was the running around to do all the final errands and get cleaned up before going to the going-away party that work generously threw for me. The party was at a pub / restaurant in the same hotel I'd stayed in when I first came to Vancouver to find a home twenty-five and a half years ago. It felt like everything had come full circle. I was so touched by how many people came to give me their good wishes, and that others sent cards and even cookies. I've been very lucky to work with such a good-hearted group of people. What a great send off.

The next morning my classmate Helen picked me up for the trip to Seattle. I was waiting on the curb for her with the few things I've kept with me: three suitcases, a guitar, meditation bench, snowshoes, and a thermarest. (Okay, there's also the three boxes of book that a friend brought down a couple weeks ago and a bicycle that another friend is bringing down in a week or two. The books are primarily for studying, but there are also a few that I just couldn't leave behind.) We had a great drive, and arrived in good time for the afternoon session with the other Leadership & Organizational Development (LOD) classmates and faculty.

The next four days were spent at the Doubletree Inn in Tukwila (south Seattle) at residential conference. It's always an intense experience, and this was no exception. The first day was very emotional. The shadow-side of all the elation that I'd been feeling for the previous five weeks hit me, and I was feeling insecure and anxious. Several other classmates are also experiencing big changes in their lives, and we had some unexpected changes in faculty that added to the upheaval. What a blessing to be with such a loving and supportive group of people while we were having such a rough day! I can't say enough good things about the people I go to school with.

The rest of the residential conference was within the more normal range of LIOS intensity and richness. Much of it was taken up with our second assessments, a rigorous and comprehensive process that involves each of us receiving ten other people's perspective on our strengths, areas for growth, and skill level, writing a self-assessment paper (all this done in the previous five weeks), then meeting with most of the people who provided feedback (and to whom we provided feedback) to discuss and update our assessments, and finally presenting a summary assessment to a faculty member, who then gives their more detailed feedback on our assessment of ourselves as well as all the work we've done to date in second year. It's a much more time consuming than getting a report card! I got very rich feedback and inspiration from the process -- such a gift to get that kind of honesty and appreciation.

The last day of our residential conference fell on Valentine's Day. I felt so happy to be able to hang out at the hotel to finish a last, short assignment rather than jumping in a car to drive home. My dear friend Katie very generously invited me to join her and her husband for dinner, and they introduced me to a fantastic Mexican restaurant in Fremont. Lots of great food in Seattle! Then I drove my roommate's car with all my things to my new home.

The next morning, President's Day in the U.S., a few of us drove to Steven's Pass to snowshoe all afternoon to an alpine lake and back -- the perfect antidote to the previous four days in the hotel. Yesterday I unpacked, which took about an hour and a half, and worked on figuring out what I need to do to get settled and survive here -- getting a phone, learning where I can go to buy groceries, getting a transit pass, etc. My roommate Jonathan spent two hours in the afternoon taking me on a tour of my new neighborhood, which I have fallen in love with. We're a short walk to waterfront pathways, the arboretum (a big park), and some lovely neighborhood shopping and dining areas. Today I bussed to Katie's studio to meditate with her and help her move artwork, then went for a run in the arboretum before calling the sponsor of my school project for a coaching session.

Friends here have been super welcoming. I have a walking date tomorrow, am going dress shopping on Friday morning, and have two tea dates, a dinner date, and a hiking trip planned. Between socializing and schoolwork, I expect to be very pleasantly occupied.

This has been one of the more adventurous weeks, hence the length of the email. I expect future missives will be shorter. I would love to hear how your week has been, too, and any adventures that are happening in your life.


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.