Here Comes the Sun

Good Morning!

And for a change, I really believe that it is. I think I've finally gotten around a turning point.

People sent me some very loving, thoughtful emails and comments yesterday, for which I am very, very grateful. A couple in particular sparked candles in me.

Jeca wondered whether I am still adjusting to and figuring out what life is like without my ex. Since moving here, I have indeed been struggling with how to value myself as a single person. That seems pretty crazy when I consider it in terms of any other human being in the world. It makes me realize how much of my self-worth was tied for many years to being someone else's partner. Not a very healthy situation. Definitely time for a change.

Cliff said that one day I would look back on this time and feel proud of myself. That was in such sharp contrast to where my head has been that it got me asking what I would need to be doing right now to actually feel proud of myself. It's been a very helpful question.

Last night my sister and I went to a bookstore to browse and have tea. The second book I picked up was one a former colleague, Darryl Kropp, casually recommended a year or so ago. Darryl has good taste in books, and the title, Taming Your Gremlin, was catchy, so I remembered it. Browsing through it last night I thought it might be just what I need. The subtitle is: A Surprisingly Simple Method for Getting Out of Your Own Way. I'll let you know how it works.

Maybe there was a shorter route to get to the place, or maybe I had to slog through the marshes and bogs, hear your encouragement ("I've been through that slough. You can do it!") and feel your friendship, love, and support to finally find this piece of solid ground. I have a real smile on my face -- not just the kind one puts on because someone else is looking. I am thinking about having fun and playing. I feel optimistic. I can't tell you how sweet this feels in contrast to where I've been lately.

I wanted to write this blog this morning because I want to remember, however the job interview goes tomorrow, that I felt this way even before I had a job or a home. I may still slip and fall, but I have this touchstone.

Thank you so much for holding me where I'm at, for sharing your responses, telling me where you're at and where you've been and what's been helpful to you on your journey, and for being willing to just hang in there with me.

Love,
Lynn


Copyright © 2010 Lynn Thorsell, All rights reserved.